Oh, Um, You See, Because
by Aki Midori
Summary: Yeah, so it's the perfect day. You're in love. You ask your boyfriend why he loves you. His answer oozes with sheer stupidity. You hit him. You walk away. Perfect anniversary, huh?


Oh... Um... You See... Because...  
  
by Aki Midori  
  
Blah:   
  
This fic's for SenRu Day!... Cheeky's SenRu Day Challenge.. (fiction or art, SENRU, SAP) *gulp*  
  
Compensation for Celibacy's super delay. So I've visited the Weiss realm... especially the RanxKen fics... It's been years since I last read one and now I'm craving for them.   
  
And besides... if you have my schedule, you wouldn't even have the time to write a single dialogue.   
  
But today's a special day... so I gotta do something for the SenRu lovers and the ML! And Zero Hour, dammit! I miss the site!   
  
WARNINGS!: OOC! OOC! OOC! Or maybe not OOC. Just Sendoh talking a lot in his mind. And an overly-romantic (though it may not look like it) Koshino, too. Plus an overly-romantic Sendoh. And damned perky, too. This one's a cliche... but an Aki cliche, so you're safe. But I gotta warn you now.. this fic wouldn't be one of my best. I've written better. In other words... don't expect much from this fic.. except the customary madness and the insanity. Oh... and the sarcasm... ooh, can't write without it! ^__^  
  
DisClaiMers: Why do I have to keep on stating the obvious?   
  
'Nough with the talk. It's more than usual, and I apologize for it. *grin*  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
~If thou must love me, let it be naught  
  
Except for love's sake only.~  
  
-Sonnet 14, If Thou Must Love Me  
  
by Elizabeth Barret Browning (1806-1861)  
  
Oh... Um... You See... Because...  
  
/Sendoh/  
  
11 July  
  
"Akira, why do you love me?"   
  
"Eh?"   
  
*glare* "Akira..."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Do you know what day is today?"   
  
"Of course! How could I forget? It's our anniversary, koi. Now c'mere and lemme give you a kiss."   
  
"No."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Why do you love me?" *glare* *glare*  
  
"Oh..."   
  
"Akira, I'm asking you a simple question."   
  
"Um..." /Why, indeed? Heck, I just *do*!"/  
  
"Oi."   
  
"You see..."   
  
"It's just the sex, isn't it?" *pout*  
  
"Hell, no! No, Kaede, I *swear*, it's much more than that! I love you, I really do!"   
  
"Then why?"   
  
"Because!"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Just because. Kaede, you're making me feel uneasy. Why are you suddenly... so... vocal? Why do you ask?"   
  
"I need to know. Why do you love me?"   
  
"Kaede..."   
  
"Look, Akira... I asked you a simple question and you answer me with 'Oh... Um... You see... Because'? Why exactly do you love me?"   
  
And my f****** mouth just have to blurt it out without even waiting for a 'go' signal from my ever-knowledgeable mind. "I don't know."   
  
Funny how those three words could affect your life. Uh... not exactly your *life* life. Just your life. You get what I mean? No? Heh... I didn't get it, either. Oh well... how could I make any sense when my cheek is stinging from that hit? Boy, oh, boy... it's gonna have an angry bruise.   
  
Waitaminute...   
  
He hit me.   
  
My boyfriend *hit* me!   
  
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I want my mommy!   
  
Oi... Kaede, wait! Oi, don't go! It's our anniversary, dammit! Don't go!   
  
And there he goes... the love of my life walks out of this little caffeine establishment. He's too mad! *pout* How was I supposed to answer that question, anyway? I'm totally unprepared for it. Well... in the first place, why did he have to ask that question, dammit?   
  
And here I am, completely confused, clueless as to why this stupid thing has to happen. I never thought the day would come where he'll ask me /why/ I love him.   
  
I told him the truth.   
  
I really don't know.   
  
I just do.  
  
---------------------   
  
"And then what?" Koshino-kun asked.   
  
I pointed at my cheek. Need you ask, you temperamental tightass? Are you here to cheer me up or to piss me off? Frankly, I'm not in the mood for your motherly lectures. Just shut up and leave this tortured soul alone.  
  
"He hit you?"   
  
Like duh. I'm too stupid, I bashed my face on a fire extinguisher.   
  
"Oi... talk, dammit," Koshino-kun demanded. I fumed. Look... I had a fight with my boyfriend. Why couldn't this natural-born nagger leave me alone?   
  
"A-ki-ra!"   
  
Breathe, Akira. Breathe. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Inhale... exhale. Yes. Be nice. Everyone loves you because you're nice. Now smile. No. A smile doesn't befit the horrendous moment. Frown instead. Or pout. Pouting would make someone look cute.   
  
"You see, Hiro-kun... my boyfriend just hit me and left me all alone. And it's our anniversary! What am I supposed to do?" *pout* Do I look cute, or what?  
  
"Dunno."   
  
Oh boy, oh boy. Helpful! Really helpful, pal. Now tootles.   
  
I didn't say that, though. Instead, I found myself asking, "Why do you think he asked me that stupid question?" And if you tell me you don't know, I'll kick you all the way towards China, friend or no friend.   
  
"I don't know, Akira," he said. Alright, you geek! Off to China!   
  
I was getting ready to kick his arse when suddenly, he spoke again. "I think what the man needs is reassurance." Now, that's my guy! Hmm... let's have you sprouting useful words, eh? I'm listening.  
  
"Reassurance?" I echoed. I must have looked like I never heard the word before because Hiro-kun gave me an exasperated look.   
  
"Yes, Akira. Reassurance," he affirmed. "Maybe he's having doubts. Having doubts where, I don't know. Maybe he just needed to find out how someone could love him like you do. You know that the man is an ice cold bastard with a stick shoved up his-"   
  
"That's pushing it too far, man," I said with a scowl. Really now, this man is talking trash about my dear, darling Kaede! Hmp! I'm not gonna let that happen, of course!   
  
"Fine, fine," he muttered. "Now where was I? Oh... the kind of man he is. Oh well, you know very well that he's very *cold*, and mind you, that's the understatement of the century, but I'm just putting it quite nicely since you're going to decapitate me if I ever say something unpleasant to your 'more perfect than thou' boyfriend and-"   
  
"Just get on with it, Kosh!"   
  
"Oh. Yeah."   
  
What did I do to deserve this?! All this torture just because I don't have a reason to love my boyfriend? Madness, all of it!   
  
"Seriously, now, Akira," Hiro said, all traces of non-sense drained from his face. He looked serious now, so finally, I'm able to calm my raging nerves. "Rukawa's a very cold person. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. Even he himself knows about it. He's just probably... feeling insecure, if I'm not mistaken. I mean, he's probably thinking, 'Why would this ever-bouncy guy Sendoh Akira, who's idolized by many, reputed womanizer in the campus, blah, blah, blah- just insert whatever ego-booster you can think of, -fall in love with someone like me? Do I deserve him? How could he put up with me, especially since I'm so cold to him? You get what I mean?"   
  
"You mean to tell me that Kaede's probably having doubts with my reasons... and probably himself?" I asked. No way! Kaede's super confident!  
  
"I'm telling you that that could be the reason," Hiro said. "After all, I don't know much about him. I'm just suggesting that because it's possible, given the fact that Rukawa is like that."   
  
I studied my team mate, and probably closest friend and couldn't help but drop my jaw in, heaven help me, admiration. I mean... despite that bitchy, irritated-as-hell attitude, he's actually okay. He's got something between his ears, too. He could be pretty helpful during times like these. Oh... did I say something about kicking him off to China? I did *not*! If I did... it's probably a slip of the tongue. Or mind. Whatever.   
  
"Why are you looking at me like that? Have you suddenly fallen in love with me? Well if you did, I'm so flattered, but I already have a girlfriend, pal. You know it," he said as he took a sip of his beverage. So smug too.   
  
  
  
Should I take back what I said about him being okay?   
  
"Shut up, Hiro," I snapped. "How come you know so much about those stuff anyway?"  
  
He gave me a grin. Uh-oh... he's gonna talk about his girlfriend non-stop from this point onwards. Someone save me!!!  
  
"Actually," he started. Oh boy... this'll be loooong. "I had the same problem."   
  
La di da di da- What? Did I hear that correctly? "Beg your pardon, Hiro?"   
  
"I said I had the same problem," he repeated ever so clearly for me. "You see, I'm pretty grumpy all the time-" Understatement of the year. "-to put lightly, and I'm pretty much a hot-head. I'm always mad about everything. I don't smile. I get irritated easily. Why should someone love someone like me? A sweet girl, not to mention. There was a time in our relationship where I don't really understand how someone like her came to love someone like me. I asked her why, and she told me something that I'm never ever gonna forget for as long as I live."   
  
He paused.   
  
I waited.   
  
  
  
Silence ensued.   
  
He calmly took a sip from his frothe.   
  
"Oi... what did she tell you?" I asked.   
  
"And have you telling that to Rukawa?" Hiro smirked. "No way. Figure it out for yourself. I'm sure you know the answer. For now, I'll leave you alone to nurse your purple cheek. I'll go out and meet the, ehm, love of my life. See ya around!"   
  
With that he walked away, leaving me dumbfounded, confused, and totally clueless. Sheesh. Two people walking out on me in a single day isn't my cup o' tea. Damn, and it's a special day, too!   
  
What has gotten into my koi? What if what Hiro-kun said was true? What if Kaede *really* needed reassurance? Was it because I never gave him enough? Dammit... why could Kaede ever realize that I didn't love him because he's like this and he's like that? I love him because of everything he is, and what becomes of me when I'm with him [1].   
  
I don't need a reason to fall in love with him. I just did. I felt it... and I shared the feeling. If I have a reason for loving him, wouldn't it just show that I have prejudices against what he is not and could never be? I love him both because 'he is' and and 'he's not'.   
  
Hell... oi... *blink*  
  
/I'm sure you know the answer./  
  
Like hell, I do! It's pretty much obvious! Why didn't I say those to Kaede?! Was it because I thought that those words weren't need to be spoken? Damn, I gotta find Kaede. I gotta find him!  
  
Bye-bye, smelly cafe! I'm going to find my koi and melt him with my words! I ran down the street in search of my beloved, frantically calling out his name and asking people if they saw him. I tried his school gym, his house, his teammates' houses, but I couldn't find him.   
  
So much for the umph-mile marathon. I'm out of my breath. Why did I run, dammit? I'm sweaty now and out of breath and I probably look like trash. Come on, Kaede. Where are you? Today's a special day... and we shouldn't be like this. I love you, so come here and show yourself for the love of... for the love of... for the love of whatever love there could be!   
  
Kaede isn't at the arcade, either, so what else could I do but heave a great sigh and plop down on a bench in front of a measly park? I'm tired, I'm thirsty, and I miss my koi. We should be spending this day together. Happy. Comfy. In love. But oh well... I'm so stupid, I just had to say those moronic words that could very well put an end in this perfect relationship.   
  
*sigh*   
  
Such a perfect day. The sun's gonna set soon... and I spent almost the entire day alone. This isn't good. The wind is so cool. Perfect temperature for snuggling under the warm shade of that sturdy tree over there. I bet the flowers over there would smell good, too. Oh, but the sky is so lovely. Hues of pink, orange and purple splashed over the sky and topped with white, fluffy clouds. Birds are twirping and cute litte kiddies are laughing. Not too far away from where I'm sitting, a cute little girl with bouncy curls and a round face ran around the park, squealing her lungs out. Few other kids are running about the place, laughing and screaming at the same time. Aaah.. nothing but a friendly game of tag. Kaede loved kids. I wish he could see this.   
  
"You can't get us, Kaede-niichan!"   
  
Eh? Ka-e-de?   
  
True enough... the man of my undying affections ran after the kids with a small smile (heh, Ice Kid, aren't ya?) and a look which says, 'Oh yeah? Wait for me, you little squirt, and you'll get it from me!'   
  
  
  
He caught one of the kids now, and he and the little guy both toppled over and rolled over the soft grass and stopped under a huge oak tree. The other kids squealed and rolled towards Kaede themselves. Pretty soon, they're all over Kaede. Hugging him and kissing him and tickling him and he looks so happy among them and picture looked so damn good, I've fallen in love with him over again... and again... and again.   
  
I didn't even notice it, but I must have walked towards him 'coz he's nearer to me now. Doesn't make any sense? Heh. I'm in love. Sue me. All coherent thoughts flew out of my head and all I could see is my smiling Kaede amidst little chubby angels.   
  
"And you ask me why I love you," I found myself softly saying.   
  
And suddenly, I'm in the center of undivided attention. Oh, he looked so cute, with his hair oh-so-disheveled with bits of grass in it... and all tangled up with the kids. He looked up to me with a mixture of annoyance and relief.   
  
"Are you Kaede-niichan's friend?" a little boy asked.   
  
"Yes, and he loves me, too," I declared with a smug smile. Ooh, Kaede... raising an eyebrow, aren't ya? Well, it's the truth!  
  
"We're his playmates," little Goldilocks shot back with an indignant thrust of her chin. "And we're playing tag."   
  
Like duh? Hehehe... "Go on then, little ones," I said, giving Kaede a sweet smile when I said 'little ones', "Go on and play with your Kaede-niichan. I'll be right here watching you." And then I plopped down the soft grass and gave them all a big smile.   
  
Kaede frowned at me.   
  
I smiled back.   
  
He sighed and pried the clingy kids off him one by one. "Your moms might be worrying. Go to them now. Playtime's over."   
  
Has anyone ever seen this 'Ice Kid', quote, unquote, this way?... With a geniune smile on his soft face, and his eyes radiating not coldness and the fierce determination he has on court, but rather happiness and love? No one. No one has seen this side of Kaede but me. And I love him. I love him. I love him.   
  
"But niichan!"  
  
"We'll play again next time," he promised. And has anyone ever heard that wonderful, soothing baritone before? Probably not. All they ever heard were words laced with steel like 'Do'Aho' or 'I won't lose.' No one has ever heard that voice but me. And I love him.   
  
"Promise?"   
  
"Promise."   
  
"Okay. Bye-bye, niichan!" they all said. They stood up and gave Kaede a sloppy kiss on his cheeks before they all went to their picknicking mommies. Kaede remained sprawled on the ground before me. Comfortable silence wrapped itself around us. Wonderful atmosphere, really. I couldn't ask for anything more. I wormed over next to him and laced my hand trough his, not once looking at him, but at the horizon instead. He didn't flinch, didn't move, didn't pull away... so I guess I could pretty much say that he's not mad anymore.   
  
Ch'. As if anyone could stay mad at *me* for a long time. We're talking about Sendoh Akira here. Hehehe...   
  
But pushing that fact of life aside, I have to smile at the simplicity of things. It's just me and him. My hand in his. On this perfect day.   
  
"I love you," I whispered and pulled him closer, settling him in front of me so he could lay his head on my shoulder. He didn't, though.   
  
"Why?" he asked instead. Delivered in the softest of whispers, causing warmth to spread all over me. This man got me wrapped around his finger, and he doesn't know it?   
  
"Why are you asking me 'why'?" I shot back.   
  
He kept quiet... and then... "I just wanna know why. You see, I'm not the best person you could hang out with. I don' t talk much. I don't express much. I don't laugh too much. I'm very moody, and I'm very rude to you most of the time. I'm just wondering how you could put up with me despite all those... and I'm just wondering... how long you could... last."   
  
What in-... this man thinks I'm gonna get tired of him?! Where in the seven heavens did he get that idea from? Damn, but is this guy *stupid* or what? Couldn't he see that I'm head over heels for him? That I'd lay down my life for him? That I'd spread rose petals on the ground he'd tread upon, if only he'd say the word?   
  
Hmmm... don't wanna admit it, but Hiro-kun's right this time.   
  
I gotta patch things up, if I want to end this day in peace. Oh lover... I'm gonna open up my heart to you so you gotta listen.  
  
"Kaede," I started, "Listen to me..." And he laid his head on my shoulder then. It was enough. "Kaede, I love you. I love you so much, it's all I could think about. But don't ask me why. I could go on and on and on. But lemme tell you this, Kaede. I didn't love you because of what you can do, or because you're a great player, or because you're so damn beautiful I want to own the whole of you. I didn't love you even because you'r nice and you're so good with kids, or because you're not as cold as everyone says. All these... they're just... plus points, if you know what I mean. They're just few qualities which you possess.  
  
"What do you want to hear from me, Kaede? That I love you because of this and that? Kaede, those are only qualities. None of those are permanent. It would be stupid of a person to tell someone that they love another because they're... for example... *nice*, because that person wouldn't be nice all the time. Does that mean that he's not gonna love his lover anymore when the latter turned nasty? You get what I mean, Kaede?"   
  
"Akira, I-"   
  
"No, don't talk, Kaede," I interrupted. "I'm delivering the most profound words I'll ever get to say. Don't interrupt. Now where were we? Oh... yeah. That *nice* thing. So what I mean, Kaede, is that I didn't love you because of your qualities and abilities. They could all go away. You could change. My point is, I would still love you even if you lose all those qualities. I certainly didn't love you because you're too damn handsome for you own good, but that's a plus, by the way, hehe, and koi you see I love everything about you and I'd still love you even if one day you turn nasty and and and you get ugly and I'd still love you even if you lose all your basketball skills and even if you didn't love kids anymore and I'd still love you no matter what happened come hell or high water so don't ask me why I love you because I won't be able to give you a reason except for the fact that I love you for everything you are and everything you're not but I already told you that before but you see that's the only reason I could give and besides who the hell invented the concept that you have to have a reason to fall in love when you just fall in love because you just *do* and you just *feel* it you know so this person who looks for a reason most probably got jilted by his or her lover so he conjures up stupid concepts so there you go Kaede I love you so much so don't ever feel otherwise because I'm going to love you forever and ever and ever and am I making any sense at all?"   
  
Hehehe... Longest speech I've ever had. Kaede was now facing me and was giving me a look of... a look of... oh well... this indescribable look. It's like he's frowning. Or maybe scowling. Oh, damn that unreadable face of his! I could at least have the ability to read his expressions, what with me loving this guy with all that I've got. I didn't even notice him crawl out of my embrace. Gosh... was I *that* preoccupied? I didn't talk too much, did I?   
  
"Are you quite done yet, Akira?" he asked. Was that a smile playing around his full lips? Oh, I hope so. I don't want to deal with a mad Kaede on this special day.   
  
"Uh... yes?"   
  
I felt my chest tighten as he slowly crawled towards me once again. There was a glint in his eyes which made me forget how to breathe. He leaned forward, closer, closer... clo~ser (ah heavens, help me!) and whispered,  
  
"BA-KA."   
  
My breath all came out with a loud 'whoosh!' "Eh?" Leave it to this man to push me slowly towards the edge and leave me hanging. Aaargh!   
  
"You could have just told me that before," he said with a snort as he plopped down in front me and leaned onto my body once again. "And you didn't have to yak so much. I thought my ears would bleed, damn you."   
  
"That coming from someone who just received the most romantic words Sendoh Akira could ever think of?"   
  
And Kaede... my dear koi... well, he snorted once again.   
  
"Well, I suppose that's okay with me," he agreed and I smiled triumphantly. "It's way better than 'Oh... Uh... You see... Because'. And certainly waaay better than 'I don't know'."   
  
Gods, you really have to remind me, don't you? Hmmp. C'mere ya. Lemme hug you sooooo tight. Umph. I could do this forever.   
  
"Hey," Kaede suddenly whispered after a long lapse of silence.   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked. I looked towards where he was pointing, and my breathe got stuck in my throat, yet again. Half of the sun was gone already, hiding beneath whatever creation there is, but the other half was still there. A vibrant half-ball of fire, glaring out at the sky, creating striking effects. And the wind was cool. And the flowers smell wonderful. And the birds are chirping. The kids are laughing somewhere over the rainbow. I don't care. It just felt nice to hear them. And we're sitting under the sturdy old tree.   
  
Life, at the moment, was perfect.   
  
"Yes, it's beautiful," I whispered back.   
  
"Akira?"   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"Happy anniversary, koi. I love you."   
  
Did I ever mention that life is perfect?  
  
********  
  
o.wa.ri  
  
********  
  
[1] Age-old cliche... but I thought of writing about it since many people have forgotten what that really means. Don't you think we should all love not 'because of' but 'inspite of'? That when we really love someone, we should accept them for who they are, and not change them into someone who we want them to be? Easier said than done, I know... but hey... it's tried and proven. Now that I've convinced many of you, I'll have to convince cynical ol' me, who wouldn't even give love a chance. *cheeky grin* See, there /is/ a reason for my use of cliche concepts!  
  
So happy anniversary to anyone and everyone who are celebrating their anniversary! *blink* I really don't make sense, do I? Heh... but this fic is written for you to celebrate your love! Go ahead and love one anther! Celebrate this special day! ... While I eat porkchops for dinner. Drats.  
  
Damn, I'm allergic to sap! But why do I still write sap? Eh? Maybe I'm a masochist or something?   
  
09 July 03 


End file.
